


show your hands; if you need a new coat of paint

by thefigureinthecorner



Category: The Bright Sessions (Podcast)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Mark is a responsible adult for once, References to Depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-18
Updated: 2019-10-18
Packaged: 2020-12-31 05:02:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,404
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21078884
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thefigureinthecorner/pseuds/thefigureinthecorner
Summary: “Any particular reason you decided to come to me, though? I’m not exactly the best at this kind of thing.”Adam slumps, fidgeting a bit and twisting his fingers together. “I just. You’re the only adult in my life who’s not gonna be weird about it."Adam asks for help. Mark is responsible. Conversations are had.





	show your hands; if you need a new coat of paint

**Author's Note:**

> Title is from "We're On Our Way" by Radical Face.
> 
> idk where this idea came from but i kinda loved it when it popped up so here it is

There aren’t many people that Mark knows who would ring the doorbell to Sam’s house; Joan and Sam have keys to each other’s homes, Chloe’s still with Mr. Sandoval, and Rose has been a bit skittish around him lately since she went dreamwalking, so she hasn’t been over much. Frank, Caleb, and Adam are pretty much the only ones who would ring or knock, so it’s not much of a surprise when Mark opens the door to find a nervous-looking Adam on the front porch.

“Oh, Adam, hey.”

“Hey, Mark. Sorry if this is a bad time, I… can I talk to you for a sec?” Ah. Serious talk time, then.

“Yeah, sure. Just, y’know, make sure to take any advice I give with a grain of salt. I’m sure you’ve noticed this by now but I’m kind of a poster child for poor decision-making.” He gestures with his head back into the house. “Wanna come in, or…?”

“Uh, yeah. Sure.” Adam steps inside, looking around a bit. Nothing has changed much since he visited for their last movie night, so there isn’t a ton to look at; he’s mostly just avoiding Mark’s eyes.

Mark moves to the living room and flops down on the couch, patting the spot next to him. “C’mon, sit down, something tells me you’re gonna be here a while.” Adam obliges, taking the spot Mark had indicated. He winces, almost wanting to back out. But, well, he’s come this far. Might as well just rip off the band-aid.

“...Right. I, uh… ugh, god. I don’t know how to talk about this.”

Mark raises his eyebrows at that, a teasing smile growing on his face. “Oh? Is this about—“

Adam rushes to cut him off, waving his hands in denial. “Ugh, god, no, it’s not— nothing like that. I’m not gonna ask you for, like, sex advice or anything, don’t worry.” Some of the tension has drained out of Adam’s shoulders, though, so the joke did its job. Mark presses further.

“Then what’s on your mind?”

“I just.” His next words come out in a jumbled rush, barely pausing enough between words for them to be understood as separate things. “IusedtohurtmyselfsometimesandI’vebeenthinkingaboutitagainandI’mtooscaredtotellCaleb?”

“Woah, woah, calm down. Wanna maybe repeat that? But uh, slower this time, so I can actually understand you.”

“I  _ really _ don’t.”

Mark gives him a small smile and nudges up against his arm, pushing him over slightly. Adam laughs a little. “Come on, I can’t help you out if you don’t tell me what’s going on.”

Adam sighs and stays quiet for a long, long time, before taking a deep breath to steady himself and starting to speak, voice soft and reluctant.

“I. Well, you know I have depression, right?" Mark nods, gesturing for him to continue. "Yeah, so, I used to hurt myself? Not for a while now, I stopped after…” He shakes his head. This is not the time to rehash that whole summer with Mark. He doesn’t need the full story. “...well, around sophomore year, but I’ve been feeling really, really not great lately, and Caleb knows I used to hurt myself and he knows I have depression and all that, but I don’t… it’s just bad again. I haven’t done anything, not...  _ yet _ anyway, but I think… I don’t know. It’s just… it’s been tempting? I guess?”

Mark’s face is carefully blank. “Oh.”

“Yeah. And I don’t want to tell Caleb, because I know he’ll just worry about me constantly if I do, and try to be around me more to check on me, and I love him for that but I don’t want him getting caught up in my emotions more than he has to, y’know?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I think I do.”

“...Right.”

“Any particular reason you decided to come to  _ me _ , though? I’m not exactly the best at this kind of thing.”

Adam slumps, fidgeting a bit and twisting his fingers together. “I just. You’re the only adult in my life who’s not gonna be weird about it. Dr. Bright would probably get all therapy mode on me, Sam would worry way too much, my parents would  _ never _ let me be alone if they knew, and Chloe’s great but she’s not actually that much older than me and she’s got her own problems to deal with. And I have my own therapist too, and he’s great and all, but I’m still seventeen for another week and he’s still gotta tell my parents if I say I want to hurt myself, and I don’t… I can’t go back to how it was when they first found out. So.”

“Hm.” Mark stays quiet for a moment, processing. “Well, hey, I’m glad you did tell someone.”

“Yeah.”

“And I uh. I think I get it, too.”

“You… do?” Adam looks slightly shocked.

“Yeah, I just. Well. I got bored, yeah?” At Adam’s confused face, Mark sighs in frustration, realizing he was going to have to elaborate more than anticipated. “Okay, so, you’re a smart guy. And you’ve got a science-y family and all that, brain doctor parents, whole nine yards. So, y’know that study some scientists did where they locked people in a room alone for fifteen minutes and concluded that the participants would rather shock themselves than be bored?”

“...Oh.”

“Yeah. It was… at the AM, if I got bored, pain was easier to handle sometimes. Better than nothing at all, anyway.”

“Yeah. Yeah, I feel that.” There’s something heavy behind those words. He pauses for a long time. “You don’t still…?”

Mark deflects quickly, sharing mode shutting off as quickly as it had started. “Hey, this isn’t about me. You came to me for help, or someone to talk to, or whatever. You’re not supposed to be asking me how I’m doing.”

Adam just stares at him, one eyebrow raised. Mark rolls his eyes and caves.

“Okay,  _ fine _ . Yes, yeah, I still... think about it too, sometimes. Whenever I’m bored, and I don’t have anything to do, it’s hard to keep my mind from just… slipping back into that headspace, I guess.”

“Makes sense to me.” Adam’s hand moves to rest on his thigh, scratching absentmindedly at the fabric of his jeans. Or, more likely, Mark realizes, he’s scratching at old scars. He bumps up against Adam’s arm again, more gently this time.

“You good?”

Adam stops. Stares at his hand. Exhales. “I dunno.”

Mark stares at him for a second before jumping up to his feet and holding his arms out. “Alright, c’mere.”

Adam stares blankly. “ _ Huh? _ ”

“You look like you need a hug, and I’ve been told I give decent ones. C’mere.” He waves his arms insistently, in a goofy way that makes Adam laugh-- a real, genuine laugh-- and stand to accept the hug. Mark pulls him in, rubbing his back comfortingly, and Adam lets himself melt into the hug a bit; Mark was right, he really had needed this. The rest of the tension drains out of him and he lets himself be comforted. When Adam finally breaks the hug, Mark keeps his hands on Adam’s arms, a grounding presence.

“Talk to your boyfriend, yeah? I know it’s a difficult thing to bring up, but he really, really cares about you. I can feel how he feels when he’s around you. He loves you. You can’t prevent him from worrying about you, cause that’s just love, but I know he’ll feel better knowing you trusted him.”

“Only if you talk to Dr. Bright. Or Sam. Can’t give advice you wouldn’t follow.”

Mark pulls his arms away and crosses them, closing off a bit and going back into deflection mode. “Oh, I think you’ll find that I can and I will.”

“Mark, come on.” It’s Adam’s turn to roll his eyes. Mark huffs.

“Alright,  _ fine.  _ I’ll  _ try  _ to talk to them. Eventually. No promises.”

“I’ll take it, I guess. And I’ll talk to Caleb.”

“Good.”

Adam gestures toward the door. “I’m gonna head out, I told Caleb I’d come over today, but I wanted to just… talk through everything first I guess. Sorry to pop in so unexpectedly and dump all that on you.”

“No, hey, don’t apologize for asking for help.” Mark leads him towards the front door. “Door’s open any time, yeah?”

“Yeah. Uh, thanks. I’ll see you around, I guess.” He waves a little, stepping outside into the cool mid-March air. Mark waves back.

“Yeah. See you.”


End file.
